Paying of bride prize also known as Dowry.
A home where girls are born is bound to have the above ceremony at one time in its life. This however is not always guaranteed as some men have been known to take other men’s daughters’ and dillydally in paying the bridal prize. Such men have lost heavily incase the wife dies as all the children will revert back to the clan of the girl.
When the dowry was announced it was a big honour to the home and the head of the family which was of course the father of the girl would call his brothers and fellow village mates to come and witness and participate in the negotiation of the bride prize. Bride prize paid in Luoland is usually negotiated and a lot of tempers was in most cases expected to flare unless the offer was too good to warrant that. This was not a bad thing really but was a symbolic gesture to show the love parents and clan mates had for their daughter.
Usually the negotiations were carried out in the girls’ mothers’ house and there was a way in which the different groups sat during the ceremony. The visitors who comprised of the relatives of the groom and the groom himself sat on the right side of the house while the owners of the bride sat on the opposite side facing each other. Women usually sat on the floor with their legs covered in lesos/khangas. In most cases they (women) were mere observers to the negotiation and would rarely participate if only to corroborate a fact etc.
Growing up in the village ensured that at a tender age I would be a regular attendee to these activities even if just as an observer. Usually when I was still in my early teens, my main role would be to receive the visitors who in many cases came with walking live animals (Chiayo). These I would receive and tether under trees within the homestead and if there were bicycles which was the main mode of transport, these would be taken and kept safely and I would then lead the visitors to the house…..my duty partially will be done.
You would be lost for words how honorable these people would be greeted by the hosts. I have never known why Luo people valued their in-laws so much that you needed a whole village to come and help you entertain them. Other communities I think dowry payment is a family business period. Maybe the Luo is a pride ridden tribe and maybe, just maybe the reason a clan had to participate.
When an in-law come visiting every child in the village would be happy because it is the day to sample all sorts of niceties in terms of food. They say that all the food cooked for the in-laws is accounted for and should the marriage (keny) break-up then all this will be deducted from the final accounting to be returned. That’s why my brother George tells me that my late grandfather was disappointed by him when they went to pay dowry for my uncle’s wife because he didn’t eat well and he had been taken out of school just to go do that!
I attended many dowry ceremonies not only of my aunts but also in other homes within the village. We as the young boys of the village were to form the group of brothers to the lady and we would always demand a share of the bride prize for the men otherwise known as “pesa yawuoyi” this was specific to the men and would be shared equally amongst all present irrespective of age. It was given to the men because it was assumed that it was these men/boys who had shielded the girl from bad behaviour hence the husband was able to get her in better stead. Other groups also got their share depending on the roles they had played in the development of the girl, these included the grandma’s, grand pa’s, aunties, uncles and cooks for the day in appreciation of the food.
One funny thing with Luos is that “Oche” the in-laws do not eat with the fathers and older relatives of the girl but could eat with the Boys…the girls’ brothers. I always loved this part coz the best parts of chicken and all the other delicacies were served to the visitors before the other villagers could eat. Sitting there on the high table was one such pleasure I still remember with love and admiration for the people who decided that boys could eat with visitors. Although sometimes waiting for the moment took so long, the final execution was worth the many sessions of yawns we had to undergo.
During the dowry negotiations as I said earlier, tension always arose and in most cases whenever a deadlock was imminent the visitors would seek leave and go out of the house to strategize. One will know the going is rough inside by the number of times the visitors would go for consultations and sometimes the weary faces they would wear on such sojourns. The good thing is that a solution was always reached…atleast in the cases where I have been a witness.
Dowry negotiation is a skill that most people develop over time and there are people who are known not to miss such occasions; they are so skilled in twists and turns of the game that they always get a way with their terms. My uncle James Odinga though very short tempered and no nonsense man is such a darling when it comes to appeasing the in-laws egos when he accompanies you for the negotiations. I remember his articulate speech on the floor of my father in-law’s house that finally enabled our hosts to accept whatever little we had carried on our trip. He so passionately promised my in-laws that we (the groom’s family) will take “good care of your daughter” and that he would ensure that it happened. Before long the battle was won.
It is not always that you win battles with your future in-laws…sometimes the tension get so thick a knife would slice through it….but with in-laws our elders taught us you must be patient and restraint otherwise you will loose both your temper and a potential wife.
